(Family) Constellations

We experience ourselves as part of a system and sometimes even several systems, that influences how we feel, think and behave. In family and/or systemic constellations we try to find the elements that influence you and change the way they affect you when needed. Much of this process is based on signals from the subconscious. The things we do in this type of Transformative Listening can not be found with the mind and still the results are often spectacular.

You can 'feel' that it works

Imagine that the white square is your entire system. The orange quadrangle represents you. To understand how constellations work I ask you to 'feel' where in your system you stand? Do you stand where I put the orange quadrangle? Do you stand closer to or further away from the centre? And when you stand there, in which direction do you look? Do you look from left to right (as in the picture), look at the centre or look to the outside?

What's your impulse?

The position that we feel we are in, creates an impulse. Imagine that you would be standing on the position of the orange quadrangle. What impulse do you get? Do you want to turn? Do you want to move forwards or backwards? Do you notice any emotion? Is there a thought coming up in your mind? In constellation 'others' (often me) will tell you, what they experience when they stand on your spot. And often you will be amazed how accurate the things others tell you are, even when they know little or nothing about you or your situation.

Which elements influence your life?

After we've put you in your system, we will add other elements. We can add people like your mother, father, partner, children, boss, employee and any other person. We can also put 'topics' in it, like 'goal', 'money', 'anger', 'sadness' or anything else that influences you. And as we add these elements, you will notice that you will experience new impulses. Adding your father could scare you and make you turn away, or exactly the opposite. Adding your goal could give you power and could also make you feel very restless.

Changing the system

Once elements are put in your system, we can try to change them. Sometimes this means that things need to be said and heard. Maybe you need to tell your mother how painful her behaviour has sometimes been and your mother needs to tell you that she can now see that. Sometimes we need to find support and put (new) elements around us. To change the system we will not only feel the impulses of your spot, but the impulses of all the elements in your system and 'ask' them what they need to change. Changing often requires us to strongly tap into our intuition and use our creativity to find solutions.

The body talks

At the end of a constellation many things in your system have changed. This will also influence the impulses you feel. At the beginning people often feel tense and experience unpleasant emotions and thoughts. At the end people feel much more relaxed, even if some of the issues are still not fully resolved. Just put yourself back in the position of the orange quadrangle in the three pictures. Take some time to experience all the different elements and the impulses you receive. Do you notice a change? Or would you prefer me to tell you, what I feel in that position?

Online or live

The images used on this page are what you might see in an online session. Constellations are often done by asking people (representatives) to stand on the positions of the different elements and let them talk about their impulses. In 1-on-1 sessions where we meet, I put pieces of paper on the floor and we (sometimes you, often I) stand on these positions. To my surprise the impulses I feel doing this online work just as strong. This online option already allowed me to work using Skype with people in the USA, England and Germany.