What could happen during a session with me?

Transformative Listening combines processes and tools of many different methods. Each method has its own qualities and has been proven to be useful for several decades or more. I find that choosing a cobination of (elements from) all these methods allows me to offer you a tailor made solution. At the same time knowing which methods I use, could clarify what you can possibly expect.

Listening is a process WE do together

You are the main source of information. We listen to your story, your feelings, your thoughts and your needs. We start our listening process, because there is something YOU want to express, share and explore. And when we find something, YOU need to check if it is useful or not for YOU. In every part of the process, I will be asking you to tell me, what is happening inside you.

At the same time I observe and mirror what I see and hear. Depending on your thoughts, feelings, physical reactions and choices and the method we use, I will add my reaction or the (possible) reactions of the people you talk about. Every signal is taken seriously and sometimes this means that I will give a voice to some of the things in your system that normally get little attention.

Listening is in itself already a way to fulfil some of the basic needs that I connect to ineffective treatment of unpleasant events. By giving recognition to all the signals, you may experience that you can now be heard and seen AND that it is now safe to express whatever comes up in you. By doing it together you can experience that you now 'belong'. And by listening to the signals of your body, we allow it to get sufficient rest and relaxation.

Blockades often have roots in your subconsciousness

One of the main reasons why blockades and convictions are often so hard to change is because they have roots in your subconsciousness. Rational processes will not help you to get these hidden thoughts and stories to the surface. The four main processes I use to explore and alter the unconscious are:

• Role Play, in which I listen as an important person in your life
• Family and Systemic Constellation, in which we listen to different people and elements in one of your 'systems'
• listening to the 'Inner Children' inside us, who experienced the unpleasant and traumatic events
• listening to Convictions

"What you feel, you can heal"

Most of the processes I use offer a combination of listening and reprogramming. Finding hidden stories and convictions is often the first step to reprogramming. 'What you feel, you can heal' is the title of a book from John Gray. Some events were so painful (or even life threatening), that we hid them deep in our subconsciousness. By 'feeling' them now, in the safe space of our session, you show your system that you can 'handle' it and that it therefore no longer needs to stay hidden.

Depending on the stories we find, we might add other solutions. Sometime you can give back certain thoughts to the person they originally came from (often parents and other caretakers). Sometimes I try to give you something that gives you strength and courage. It again takes our mutual creativity to find the exact thing that works for you. The last years I found that I’ve collected both a large set of tools and when they don’t work, I’ve invented new ones on the spot. (See examples)

What works for you?

The way I see and use listening is heavily influenced by NVC from Marshall Rosenberg and the insights I gathered as I was writing about listening with needs (see Book of Needs). Beside NVC and the four processes above, I use elements from 'Voice Dialogue' from Hal en Sidra Stone, 'The Work' from Byron Katie, 'The Journey' from Brandon Bays, Impro theater, NLP, PRI from Ingeborg Bosch, different forms of body work and many other methods I encountered in my life. Most recent are the insights I got from reading and listening to Bessel van der Kolk, who's work and the work of others he researched has taught me much about healing 'trauma'.